Number: # 7
Position: Bottom, although I play defense
DOB: 8/1784. Or maybe 1965. Same dif.
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 170 lbs. all muscle.
Hometown: Duluth, MN
Joined Quakes: 2001? I have no idea because it was before I got my Palm.

Q: How'd ya get into hockey anyway?
A: I was a five year old raging queen and my parents thought it would butch me up.

Q: Tell me about your experience with the Quakes.
A: My most traumatic and therefore memorable experience was the Quakes hazing ritual. It involved a trip to the hardware store, a poster of Patrick "all-beef Patty" Marleau (), and pucks that felt and looked alarmingly like cucumbers. (see disclaimer below)

Q: Favorite thing about playing with the Quakes?
A: The hazing ritual. (see disclaimer below)

Q: What was your least memorable experience with the Quakes? 
A: Winning the gold medal at Gay Games VI in Sydney, Australia. Slaying the "gay guys can't play hockey" dragons of my past, having a personal cheering section consisting of Sydney cops, beating a Canadian team, playing four games in 5 days, seeing a spectacular opening ceremony that moved me to tears, etc. etc....not memorable at all. 

Q: Why is hockey so important to you? 
A: Hockey was an excellent vehicle for me to get involved with the gay community in a way that didn't involve a professional affiliation or the often competitive and shallow social scene. Aside from that, I think hockey is the perfect sport: fast, physical, complex, and, if you play for the Quakes, full of homos. Even pro hockey players are the kind of guys I generally like: humble (they always "blame" their teammates for their success), physical (ever seen the stats on the roster? they're huge!), and smart (of the "big-four" sports, hockey has the highest rate of college grads), not to mention they are not too freaky (they never get that glazed over look and thank some religious deity).

Q: Anything else you would like to share with us today?
A:  An ass shot. But I might be up for a promotion some day and don't want to get busted by that "moral turpitude" clause in my employment contract. 

disclaimer: The San Francisco Earthquakes do not in any way haze new members nor do we know what Kieran is talking about above. We fear he has gotten his experience of joining the SFQuakes mixed up with his experience moving into his new apt.

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